POTC: The Curse of the Confused Cast
by QueenOftheEggs
Summary: It's Pirates of the Caribbean, only all of our favorite characters have switched places! Jacks in a dress? Elizabeth is a Commodore? Why is Annamaria the Governor?
1. Someone Feels Pretty oh so Pretty

There is a very good possibility that this is going to get very old very fast. But anyway this idea has been bugging me for awhile so I wanted to try it out. What if the main characters were all switched around? That's right, you heard me! In this story I'm going to take the major characters and switch them with other people. The story will be the exact same thing as before, only different people will be filling the roles. So basically, you can laugh at the absurdity of it all. Anyway I can't really explain, so just enjoy!  
  
Title: POTC: The Curse of the Messed up Cast By: QueenoftheEggs  
  
Disclaimer: This is very silly. Don't get angered..be happy!!!  
  
Mist surrounded a lone ship as it made its way over the dark ocean. The waters were calm and silent, the only sound that could be heard was that of a very feminine high pitched one, drifting out from the ship.  
  
"I feel pretty. Oh so pretty! I feel pretty, and witty and gay!" A boy in a dress with a mop of dreadlocks for hair continued to sing. He was unaware that behind him a hand was reaching out for his shoulder. The hand grasped him tightly and he shrieked so loudly that the hand's owner quickly withdrew it so that he could better cover his ears.  
  
"Quiet, missy! Cursed pirates sail these waters. With your awful singing they're bound to jump aboard and slit our throats as punishment!" A scraggly looking man with yellow eyes warned the boy. At the mention of slit throats, the child's eyes grew wide with fright and he allowed a tiny whimper of fear to escape him.  
  
"Mr. Barbossa. That will do." Sternly, a woman lectured him.  
  
"But she was singing in an E flat when this song distinctly called for a B minor. Frightful bad luck to sing that much out of tune with this unnatural fog, mark my words."  
  
"Consider them marked." The woman replied, disinterested. "On your way then."  
  
Pouting, the man named Barbossa skulked off muttering to himself. "Tis also bad luck to bring a boy dressed up like that on board. Even if his dress is pretty."  
  
Looking up at the woman with her blonde hair tied back into a prim ponytail, the boy exclaimed, "I'd rather like to meet a pirate someday."  
  
"Think again Miss Sparrow. Vile and dissolute creatures the lot of them. I intend to see that every man who sails under a pirate flag or wears a pirate brand gets what he deserves." And she gave him a grim smile that made him shiver inside. "A short drop and a sudden stop."  
  
Unsure as to what that meant, the boy turned to look at Mr. Barbossa. But he was too busy playing with his monkey pet to notice.  
  
"Lieutenant Swann, stop freaking out my daughter." The Lieutenant nodded and apologized to the African woman standing behind her.  
  
"My apologies Governor Maria," the Lieutenant winked to the boy in a seductive manner. He cringed and waited for the scary lady to leave. When she did she replied to her father,  
  
"Actually, I find it all fascinating."  
  
"Yeah, I know. Yeh little freak. Stay outta trouble now." And Governor Maria turned on her heel and left Miss Sparrow alone again. At first he became amused when he saw a floating white wig in the water. But suddenly two arms surfaced near the wig, and then a head appeared underneath it.  
  
"There's a boy wearing a wig in the water!"  
  
Mr. Barbossa rolled his eyes and shoved his monkey back into his pocket. It screeched and protested until he bonked it on the head with his meaty fist.  
  
"Governor, I thought you told us Miss Sparrow's medication had kicked in!"  
  
"Usually she's fine by now." The woman stroked her chin in thought. "Maybe the doctor gave us the wrong prescription at the last port we visited."  
  
"No! I'm not crazy this time! There's a boy wearing a powdered wig and he's drowning! Somebody save him."  
  
The governor strolled over to where his daughter was pointing and chuckled on her way over.  
  
"Now, dear, I'm sure it's just a figment of your..Bleedin' Christ you ain't kidding! There really is a boy!"  
  
Quickly, the Lieutenant, Barbossa, and other men ran to look over the side of the ship. Much to their surprise there really was a boy flailing in the water. He was coughing and sputtering and his white wig was askew as he tried to remain above the surface.  
  
"Man overboard! Throw something in to save him! Don't let the wig get ruined!" The Lieutenant cried. Quickly men scurried about, tossing a rope to the poor boy. Eventually they pulled him onto the ship's deck.  
  
"Eh! Since yeh ain't got anything better to do, watch the kid with the wig. Make sure the Lieutenant doesn't go off and molest him or something." Rolling his eyes, Miss Sparrow headed over to where the boy with the wig lay. His breathing was labored and his white wig was lying crookedly on his face. Trying to fix the wig, Miss Sparrow began rearranging it until the boy grasped the other boy's hand and began gasping for air.  
  
"What's the matter? You're not drowning anymore."  
  
"Oh. I'm James Norrington."  
  
"I'm Jack Sparrow, I'm making sure the lieutenant doesn't molest you."  
  
James nodded and then collapsed back, hitting his head on the wooden crate which he was resting upon.  
  
"Ow." He muttered, before falling asleep.  
  
When he fell backward, Jack noticed that something was sticking out of his pocket. At first it looked as though it was soaking wet paper. But upon closer inspection he Miss Sparrow realized that it was a movie script.  
  
"Y-you have the correct casting appearance for this movie. If anyone gets their hands on this then I might not be allowed to wear pretty dresses. Oh no!"  
  
"Damn.I mean, has he said anything yet?" The Lieutenant asked, noticing that Miss Sparrow was guarding the new addition to the ship.  
  
Jack gasped and quickly shoved the script down the front of his dress. When he turned around her lied,  
  
"His name is James Norrington. That's all I found out."  
  
"Hm. I see, take him below." The Lieutenant ordered his men. Before he turned to leave he stared at the new addition to the front of Jack's dress. Seductively smirking, the Lieutenant kept his gaze on the new growths a moment longer before turning on his heel.  
  
Breathing a sigh of relief Jack watched as the other crew members pointed and stared at the burning remains of another ship. It was obviously where the boy had drifted off from.  
  
'Amazing that he even survived,' Jack thought. Suddenly he noticed something moving across the water. Squinting his eyes he realized it was a ship with black sails, and they were tattered and torn. A pirate flag flapped in the breeze as he blinked once, and then it was gone.  
  
A/N: Don't get too concerned about the him's and her's..it's meant to be confusing. Love it hate it? Review so I know! 


	2. Of Tight Corsets and CPR

Sorry I haven't been updating diligently. But I've probably pissed a lot of people off, what with being in the middle of two stories and now this one making three. Ah, you're just gonna have to deal! Anyway, I hope you like this chappie. Hopefully I can crank out these faster now that I'm on three week break, but who knows, even without school I can sometimes get lazy. Once again: DEAL! Oh, and on another completely different note, I felt I had to share this, if you like Final Fantasy VIII (you probably don't because most females don't play video games as obsessively as I do) or know anything about it should download the music video that somebody made using the Cranberries song Zombies. It is WONDERFUL! And it inspires me every time I write. Honestly, it's great. I don't even know who made it, which is a pity. Anyway, enjoy!  
  
Jack blinked again, realizing that he had only been dreaming. Letting out a sigh of relief he rose slowly from his bed, shifting so that his feet dangled from the side. He opened a drawer from the nightstand beside his bed. In a secret compartment, hidden underneath jewelry and a few books, were the scripts that he had found on James the day he was rescued from the water. Shaking his head at the memory, Jack gathered the scripts and began to read them.  
  
"What?!" I was supposed to wear that outfit?!" He snorted in indignation.  
  
"I wouldn't be caught dead wearing anything like that," he announced decidedly.  
  
Before he could finish reading the rest of the script, however, Jack heard a loud knock at the door.  
  
"Are you talking to yourself again?"  
  
'Oh no!' That was his father's voice! Quickly Jack lunged to a nearby chair in his room, hoping to grab the robe that lay draped over it. Completely missing the chair he ended up knocking over a dresser. A candle on top of the dresser rolled onto the ground and quickly set the expensive rug adorning his room on fire.  
  
"Shit!" Jack whispered, trying to stamp out the flames.  
  
"Oh no, don't make me bring the straight jacket!" Jack's father warned sternly.  
  
"Hold on....just a minute...OW!" Finally, Jack succeeded in stamping out the flames. Although the rug was slightly charred, and the room smelled a bit smoky, he felt supremely confident that his father wouldn't notice. He shoved the script in his mass of dreadlocks and shouted,  
  
"Come in!"  
  
The governor strode into the room and suspiciously looked around. Within ten seconds she caught sight of the singed carpet and shook her head. Sighing she remarked,  
  
"Weird."  
  
Jack smiled and continued to feign innocence. Two maids bustled into the room and began opening curtains and straightening the room.  
  
"Here. It's a gift." The governor shoved a parcel into Jack's hands. Jack opened it to reveal that inside was a lovely dress. He squealed in joy and the governor rolled her eyes. Indicating for him to change into it, she motioned for the two maids to help him put it on.  
  
"May I inquire as to the occasion?"  
  
"Ahh....no."  
  
As Jack was being fitted into the dress, which was much too tight, he managed to gasp out,  
  
"This has something to do with the Lieutenant doesn't it?"  
  
"Sorta, he's a commodore now."  
  
Jack was about to gasp out a retort when the corset was pulled too tightly, and he shrieked instead. Governor Maria rolled her eyes yet again and tapped her foot impatiently.  
  
"Jack...how's it coming?"  
  
"It's difficult to say." He barely managed to gasp out.  
  
"I'm told it's fashionable, in some place..."  
  
"Well the women there must have learned not to breathe."  
  
At the pathetic and unfunny comment the governor rolled her eyes for the record breaking time. But that was to expected when one had such a spoiled and stupid daughter.  
  
"M'lord you have a visitor." A butler politely informed his master.  
  
Thankful for any excuse to get away from her annoying daughter, the governor made her way down the grand and noble staircase to see who was waiting for her.  
  
********  
  
James Norrington was waiting patiently for the governor to see him. He was no longer the young boy in need of rescuing. Instead he was more mature with an even larger powdered wig.  
  
James was wandering around the front room where he awaited the governor to receive him. He began inspecting a candlestick holder attached to the wall. Reaching out to touch it, the man had barely grasped it when the whole thing came loose, falling onto the governor's pet dog, FrooFroo. The dog dropped down dead the moment the piece of metal hit him.  
  
"Dammit!" The man cursed. He kneeled over the animal and attempted to give it CPR, but it just wasn't working. Still on his knees the man threw his hands into the air, after many failed attempts, and lifted his head to stare at the ceiling.  
  
"Damn you! Live!"  
  
At this time another butler was passing by, holding a tray for tea. As he was passing by, James grabbed the lifeless poodle and shoved it onto the tray. Nodding in approval James gave a triumphant smile and the butler rolled his eyes, yet continued on his way.  
  
"Aha...Mr. Norrington." Surprised the man turned to face the governor. Suddenly remembering his purpose for arriving at the woman's home he stood up, dusted himself off, and brandished a parcel he had been concealing behind his back.  
  
"Good day, sir. I have your order."  
  
Unlatching the box, James snapped open the lid and presented to the governor a beautiful sword. Taking out a handful of cue cards, covered in sloppy handwriting, James prepared to go on a long tirade about the folded steel and the tang being perfectly balanced. The moment he opened his mouth, though, the governor frowned at him.  
  
"Is that...is that fur in your mouth?"  
  
Horrified, the man lifted realized that the poodle's hair had gotten stuck in his mouth when he had attempted to give it CPR. Before the governor could inquire further, a loud and annoying 'ahem' was heard.  
  
"Jack....you look...ummm." The governor struggled to find the correct words as her daughter beamed down at them. She was about to speak when suddenly she tripped over the dress she was wearing and tripped down the remainder of the stairs. James and the governor cringed as Jack tumbled nonstop, until he finally crashed into a wall. Stunned and dazed he fell to his left side and fell down the remaining two stairs. Standing up slowly, his dreadlocks askew and dress wrinkled he managed a weak,  
  
"I'm okay."  
  
Straightening out her dress, Jack didn't notice James right away. After a moment of grumbling and complaining she lifted her head up, and came face to face with James.  
  
"James! I Had a dream about you last night!"  
  
"About me, Miss Sparrow?"  
  
"James how many times must I ask you to call me Jack?"  
  
"At least once more, Miss Sparrow. As always."  
  
Tired of the desperate looks they were giving one another the governor practically dragged her daughter away, making up an excuse about being late.  
  
"Good day, Mr. Norrington." Jack sarcastically remarked.  
  
The governor gave his daughter a shove out the door, barely concealing a snicker when Jack fell in dirt and began whining again. Turning to James she turned serious and said,  
  
"Do pass my compliments on to your master."  
  
"I shall. A craftsman likes to know that his work is appreciated." James put on a fake smile and closed the box, making sure that the sword was placed neatly inside before handing it over to the governor.  
  
As the governor and her entourage began to leave, James watched in silence. Following the company outside, James continued to stare as Jack was helped into a carriage. As the driver cracked his whip, signaling the horses in front to move, Jack briefly looked back at James.  
  
"Good day... Jack." James sighed as the carriage vanished from sight.  
  
***** 


End file.
